I am fundamentally incapable of treating anyone properly, do you think I have not tried? Do you think I wanted to be like this? Even as I look upon you now I want to tear out your throat and burn this place to ashes and all of you with it.
[He is telling the floor this. It's a little muffled.]
You know what I am like. You have my full dossier backed up in your ship's cold storage. I had faith that you would stay with me like all the times we have stayed together. Was I wrong? Tell me now.
You're making excuses. You are not incapable. You have given me kindness, in this place.
[ she watches him, brow furrowed and frowning. ]
... You said you would try, with me. So don't go back on that now. My staying still hinges on the others being amenable to my presence, but even if I don't live in this house I will not leave you.
[He’s not about to tell her he’s scared, that every time he wakes up he wonders who will leave me this time.
Kindness is a unique sort of torture for him, but. He digs his nails into his palms as he balls his hands up. Maybe if he doesn’t do anything she won’t leave. So he just rearranges himself, sitting back against the wall, folding his legs under him. Meets her eyes, and holds his tongue.]
I have never left you, when you treated me fairly, and even then it was not for long. Every time we separated, you left me, whether I preferred it or not.
... You can ask for me to stay. If you want me for more than just another object in your hoard, I would-- love to stay. You know it is lonely, for me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Re: Day 47
... The issue is-- if they do not want me here... I cannot force them to tolerate my presence. It's a matter of my comfort as much as theirs.
Ask them, Dan Feng. Please.
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[He turns his head to drop a kiss in her hair.] If you worry this much your face will get stuck that way.
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... mm. Probably.
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And then pulls back to punch him in the stomach as hard as she can, face flushed with indignant embarrassment. ]
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-- You don't get to say that and then kiss me!
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[ her voice wobbles a little. ]
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[He squints at her.]
Are you just saying this to make me feel better?
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Would you kill me ever again?
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[ tiredly ]
Not unless I had no other choice.
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[ pushes away from him and wobbles to her feet, unsteady. ]
I'm going back to Clubs.
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You always leave me. Everyone does. [He presses his face into the deck.] Cruel!
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[He is telling the floor this. It's a little muffled.]
You know what I am like. You have my full dossier backed up in your ship's cold storage. I had faith that you would stay with me like all the times we have stayed together. Was I wrong? Tell me now.
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[ she watches him, brow furrowed and frowning. ]
... You said you would try, with me. So don't go back on that now. My staying still hinges on the others being amenable to my presence, but even if I don't live in this house I will not leave you.
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Kindness is a unique sort of torture for him, but. He digs his nails into his palms as he balls his hands up. Maybe if he doesn’t do anything she won’t leave. So he just rearranges himself, sitting back against the wall, folding his legs under him. Meets her eyes, and holds his tongue.]
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I have never left you, when you treated me fairly, and even then it was not for long. Every time we separated, you left me, whether I preferred it or not.
... You can ask for me to stay. If you want me for more than just another object in your hoard, I would-- love to stay. You know it is lonely, for me.
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