[Dan Feng watches him contemplate with actual terror, hardly daring to breathe from where he's gone to stand at the foot of the mattresses pushed together.]
No? All these years I have hunted you and you never wavered. I would know if the mara has blossomed and you are too strong for it to take your mind like that-
[Despite his efforts to stay his emotion, his voice cracks on that one as the frustration bubbles up from under the placid surface.]
I have destroyed that which I love with my own hands! I am a wanted criminal, rejected by the Xianzhou Alliance! I have been alone, waiting to die, for half my life!
[And now they're both crying like big babies. Jing Yuan gestures clumsily as he tries to explain through the alcohol and the sharp pain in his chest, and compared to that other version of himself, he looks as fragile as he feels.]
I am not strong enough to bear what that man does, Dan Feng. Every time you touch me I wonder if this is when I'll lose myself. Why is that so hard for you to understand!?
[There's so much to unpack there that Dan Feng doesn't even know what to start, but the most immediate one is:]
You are. You are strong. You are still alive because of your convictions, in spite of what has happened, both by your hand or not. I am only alive because of the Plagues Author's blessing.
[He doesn't know what to do with a Jing Yuan who was fragile, who had not grown to match Dan Feng blow for blow in every way.]
You are stronger than me in all the ways that matter.
So you say, but you continue to make my life an endless stream of tortures. If you want me to live through that, you may as well pour your blood into my mouth right now.
[This is the look of a guy who is not convinced. Or the look of a guy who has spent about 90% of his conscious existence doing things dictated by someone else. He toes the mattress and crouches down, and for the first time since they probably made the contract, he doesn't immediately tilt into Jing Yuan's space.]
Then you must accept that there will be times when you need to strike me down. I may agree with you now but I will not be able to recognize you later.
[Jing Yuan can't help but flinch a little when Dan Feng approaches. But he doesn't invade his personal space, and gradually he begins to truly untense.
Putting Dan Feng down, though... Even temporarily, that's a nightmare. But he understands this is already all the concessions he can be given. Jing Yuan has to bear his part of it, too.]
[He doesn't want to think about it too much. He's had enough terror and flashbacks for one day. He stretches, sighs, and flops back over rather than deal with it. The look on Dan Feng's face is worrying though, so he tentatively reaches out to poke his knee.]
[He turns his head to look at the door - he doesn't understand why he's now dreading Dan Heng coming back - then back at him, before getting to his feet.]
I will get you some water first. How much did you have to drink?
[While grumbling his answer, Jing Yuan wiggles further up on the mattress until his head finds a pillow. He's not planning to sleep, but he can at least get comfortable.]
Enough to be able to have this conversation.
[It was enough to make him Actually Drunk but not enough to get him Wasted. He can't remember the numbers and he doesn't care.]
[Dan Feng gives him a look as he comes back with a glass of water. It is his 'I am going to give you a lecture because you're being stupid and I have opinions' look.]
...was it good alcohol at least? [He crouches down and holds the glass out.]
[He squints at the glass for a moment, unwilling to sit back up to drink it but aware that he really needs it. Eventually he half-sits, just enough to take it, chug the whole thing, and hand it back.]
[He answers despite that pause making his shoulders go dreadfully stiff. He can only pray that there will be no more torment tonight.]
It's a Zhuming blade I found in a night market shortly after my escape. I think... it most likely isn't one of his, but it feels like it could be. I haven't named it.
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Re: late night 14/15
No? All these years I have hunted you and you never wavered. I would know if the mara has blossomed and you are too strong for it to take your mind like that-
Re: late night 14/15
[Despite his efforts to stay his emotion, his voice cracks on that one as the frustration bubbles up from under the placid surface.]
I have destroyed that which I love with my own hands! I am a wanted criminal, rejected by the Xianzhou Alliance! I have been alone, waiting to die, for half my life!
[And now they're both crying like big babies. Jing Yuan gestures clumsily as he tries to explain through the alcohol and the sharp pain in his chest, and compared to that other version of himself, he looks as fragile as he feels.]
I am not strong enough to bear what that man does, Dan Feng. Every time you touch me I wonder if this is when I'll lose myself. Why is that so hard for you to understand!?
Re: late night 14/15
You are. You are strong. You are still alive because of your convictions, in spite of what has happened, both by your hand or not. I am only alive because of the Plagues Author's blessing.
[He doesn't know what to do with a Jing Yuan who was fragile, who had not grown to match Dan Feng blow for blow in every way.]
You are stronger than me in all the ways that matter.
Re: late night 14/15
It's miserable. He sighs, too emotionally exhausted to keep yelling, and instead just crumples with face in hands.]
No. I'm not. I am alive because of-- of guilt and obligations I must carry. And the more you pick me apart, the less I want to keep carrying them.
Re: late night 14/15
But I don't want you to stop. I want you to live.
Re: late night 14/15
Re: late night 14/15
[THEREFORE, that is the only option. See he is using logic.]
Re: late night 14/15
You could try shutting up and letting me decide what happens to me, first of all.
Re: late night 14/15
Re: late night 14/15
Re: late night 14/15
Then you must accept that there will be times when you need to strike me down. I may agree with you now but I will not be able to recognize you later.
Re: late night 14/15
Putting Dan Feng down, though... Even temporarily, that's a nightmare. But he understands this is already all the concessions he can be given. Jing Yuan has to bear his part of it, too.]
...I understand.
Re: late night 14/15
The- [He cants his head.] The horn. The broken one. If you aim for it correctly it can render me immobile.
Re: late night 14/15
[He doesn't want to think about it too much. He's had enough terror and flashbacks for one day. He stretches, sighs, and flops back over rather than deal with it. The look on Dan Feng's face is worrying though, so he tentatively reaches out to poke his knee.]
Come and sleep?
Re: late night 14/15
I will get you some water first. How much did you have to drink?
Re: late night 14/15
Enough to be able to have this conversation.
[It was enough to make him Actually Drunk but not enough to get him Wasted. He can't remember the numbers and he doesn't care.]
Re: late night 14/15
...was it good alcohol at least? [He crouches down and holds the glass out.]
Re: late night 14/15
[He squints at the glass for a moment, unwilling to sit back up to drink it but aware that he really needs it. Eventually he half-sits, just enough to take it, chug the whole thing, and hand it back.]
...Especially not if I want my sword.
Re: late night 14/15
He vaguely knows this is not the right time to ask but Dan Feng has no impulse control so he asks anyway.]
Why not ask for your glaive?
Re: late night 14/15
[He says it in a matter-of-fact tone, but he doesnt look at Dan Feng when he does. The shame will surely eat him alive if he acknowledges it.]
Re: late night 14/15
[There's a pause where he sits somewhere near Jing Yuan's ankles.]
Did you not like it?
Re: late night 14/15
[He lays back down and rolls over, back to Dan Feng and a pillow held tight in his arms.]
...I used it the night I betrayed my Dan Feng. Even seeing it sends me back to that moment.
Re: late night 14/15
[There is an ominous pause, where even the air seems to go very still, before Dan Feng speaks again.]
What kind of sword do you use now? Did you also name it after a poem?
Re: late night 14/15
It's a Zhuming blade I found in a night market shortly after my escape. I think... it most likely isn't one of his, but it feels like it could be. I haven't named it.
Re: late night 14/15
[Buried in his gut or chest or wherever he isn't picky. The mattress behind Jing Yuan dips as Dan Feng crawls into the warm space he'd left behind.
It doesn't seem like he will actually bring up that grievous betrayal. Instead, his tail flops cool over Jing Yuan's waist.]