[Today in Jing Yuan Finds Out Further How Fucked Up This Dynamic Is.
Dan Feng really wants to throw himself at Jing Yuan and hold him and really it would have been better for him if he had never known how firm Jing Yuan embraces him and.]
[It is SO fucked up. Jing Yuan leans against the ticket counter, folding his arms to stop himself from reaching for Dan Feng. It's all so... messy. Unhealthy. He shouldn't let himself get so wound up in it, when it's destined to hurt him -- in the worst case, he could be entirely destroyed by it. And yet just the act of standing a few feet apart when he wants to hold Dan Feng close is making him feel desperately cold.]
I know you said there's no reason to apologise, but that isn't true. You're keeping a distance from me, so... I am sorry for hurting you. I know better than to let my temper get away from me like that.
Yuan'er did not apologize to me any one of the times he killed me by shutting me out of an airlock into space. Compared to that, I see no reason why you should apologize for something that did not hurt me at all.
[Was that the right thing to say? Internally, Dan Feng is panicking: maybe Jing Yuan wanted it to hurt? Should he grovel? He was very good at that.
He makes an aborted motion to come closer, but he's waiting for the other shoe to drop.]
[He's right. The wound Jing Yuan had inflicted was deep, but Dan Feng would accept and cherish anything his beloved gave him, so it wasn't a problem, really.
It's a little pathetic how quickly he goes, eager to get back into Jing Yuan's good graces. He carefully does not think how similar this is to how he'd do anything to pacify his preceptors, or the Vidyadhara.]
Yes? [He stops, just shy of arms' length. Closer like this, it's impossible to miss the mottled bruising up his jaw, or the way he's moving the bare minimum.] What is it?
[Jing Yuan gives a sad little sigh, and steps forward into Dan Feng's space himself. He avoids touching any obviously bruised areas, but does lightly rest his hand against his cheek, thumb brushing his cheekbone.]
What I said yesterday was true, but... I had not intended it as an insult. Your weakness is not inherent to who you are, and you needn't punish yourself for succumbing to the damage your preceptors did to you.
To tell the truth, as angry as I am that you made Bailu doubt herself, I am much more angry at them for making you so critical of yourself. I don't like hearing you act as if all that happened to you was the consequence of you not holding yourself to a strict enough standard. It is not your fault. Not entirely, at the very least.
[That touch may be light, but it's Dan Feng who presses his bruises into Jing Yuan's hand anyway. He's glad he had the foresight to have the worst of the injuries healed, because Kaine did not hold back.]
It is the nature of my being, Jing Yuan. My very face has been molded to the regulations of the Imbibitor Lunae. Holding myself to that standard was my purpose. [He inhales, as if gathering himself.]
You were right. I was... afraid. For Bailu. To walk in my footsteps is something I would not have wanted for Baiheng's legacy.
I understand that. If I could spare her all of it, I would, but... that is beyond my power. Still, there is division amongst the vidyadhara leadership that I personally think will do them a world of good in the end. Due to that, while Bailu struggles with her role, she is still a child with her own mind... and Baiheng's force of will as well.
[He adjusts his hand away from those bruises. Dan Feng is only getting gentleness from him right now.]
I have done all I can to shield her from your fate. I only wish someone had done that for you. You could have been Imbibitor Lunae without stripping you of your personhood.
[Why won't you ever do what he wants why are you like this you're a terrible man HORRIBLE UNMANNERLY AWFUL,]
You - and the rest of the Quintet... helped. [He fidgets, chasing Jing Yuan's hand, like one of his finches, only very large, and full of homicidal tendencies.] If not for you all, I suspect I would have forgotten my own name, at some point. [Frown?? Seems like he's feeling bold enough to be petulant.] Stop moving your hand.
[He does, however, wish to tease him. Instead of touching the bruises he's now just repeatedly poking Dan Feng's face wherever there's a clear space. Pokepokepoke. :3]
I am glad that we helped. I hope to be helpful in the future, too.
[Dan Feng blinks every time the finger touches skin, and he gradually gets annoyed enough to growl under his breath - he catches himself immediately, and his face morphs into pathetically hopeful.]
...I do not like not being in your favor. How do I fix it.
[He ceases the poking in favour of leaning in for a forehead kiss. Dan Feng is a lump and Jing Yuan is genuinely worried about losing him, so he's clinging in his own also-fucked-up way.]
[There's a sharp inhale, Dan Feng stilling, and then he more or less throws himself at Jing Yuan, arms wrapping around his waist. His ears are very warm; and he frantically tries to slow down his breathing, because he did not know he'd like being called gege so much.]
I love you too. [Internal keysmash??????????????????????????] Do I have to apologize to.. . your team.
[And because, really, there's nobody else there but them, Dan Feng hides his face into Jing Yuan's neck, and tightens the embrace so violently it's like he's trying to get them to meld together.]
I missed you. It was only a day; it should not have been so awful, it should have been barely the blink of an eye. But I find it harder to suffer your disappointment rather than your glaive.
[This is a really damning weakness to confirm to someone like Jing Yuan, but Dan Feng is tired, and wants to be happy for once.]
[It is inherently risky to admit that kind of thing to someone like Jing Yuan, yes. But while he absolutely use it if he feels it necessary, he doesn't want to. For now at least it's safe.
He weathers that tight grip without complaint, returning it as much as he can without causing harm, and lays a soft kiss on the tip of one long ear.]
I felt horrible as soon as I said it. I thought you wouldn't want to see me, so I gave it some time, but... I missed you too. I could barely sleep, thinking I'd ruined things.
[He pulls back, presses hands neatly on the lapels of Jing Yuan's jacket, and his face is all startled confusion.]
You could never ruin things. [Yes he can, but Dan Feng was extremely new to having someone feel sorry for him. Or to having his emotions actually acknowledged. He tips his head down, trying to hide how pleased he is, but the way his newly-un-rottened tail literally wags behind him betrays him.] A-Yuan, I love you, you could never. If you were to lose sleep on my behalf I would rather it be because we- I- uhm. [he shuts up, oops, ok he's Normal.]
[It's hard to maintain being sad when Dan Feng is so weird and also cute... Some tension goes out of Jing Yuan's shoulders and his ears perk up, as he stifles a laugh into one hand.]
You have a standing invitation for that, you know.
[He laughs again, and rests his free hand at Dan Feng's hip, just to tease.]
I would be more than happy to simply sleep beside you, of course. But... Since you brought it up, I thought it appropriate to remind you my body is available to you. Perhaps next time I'll tell you all the things I like...
[He can't help being a slut if it's going to get such adorable reactions out of Dan Feng. He simply cannot. Look at this dragon.]
We are outside! [And the theatre is deserted and dark inside but the point is that. Dan Feng looks around furtively and looks back at Jing Yuan. Looks at his mouth. Looks back up at his eyes. Help.] I, do you want. What do you want? I would like to learn.
We're less likely to be overheard here than in our rooms.
[Especially in Sloth with the CATS. Still, in the name of being quiet (and murdering his darling) he takes Dan Feng's hands, laces their fingers together, and leans in to whisper in his ear.]
I want to be held down and taken, until all I can feel is how much you love me.
[And then he straightens up and leans back like he didn't just say something incredibly lewd.]
But that's for later, hmm? Right now, you could just take a nap with me.
Dan Feng makes a sound like a squeaky toy being stepped on, and he chases Jing Yuan's hands with his own, because if he didn't hold on to something, he felt like he'd float away.
When did this happen? When did his Yuan'er become so shameless? He can't help but imagine it, Jing Yuan trusting and pliant and out of his mind with pleasure under him and-]
Uh? [????????????? ??? ? ? ??? You expect him to say anything coherent?????] Here? I, we could go inside? [He does need sleep, but he also needs to never let go of Jing Yuan.]
You are going to get what's coming to you, you insolent creature.
[This would be a lot more threatening if Dan Feng hadn't laced their hands (imagine that. Holding hands. He didn't even need to die for this. Imagine that!!!) together, trying to shoulder him towards the theatre proper doors, like someone would spot them thinking lewd thoughts such as cuddling.]
I am not cute. I have never been called such a juvenile term. [Ineffectual glaring.] Why are you like this.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
midwesternmayhem
Re: Day 15 morning
[Today in Jing Yuan Finds Out Further How Fucked Up This Dynamic Is.
Dan Feng really wants to throw himself at Jing Yuan and hold him and really it would have been better for him if he had never known how firm Jing Yuan embraces him and.]
Good morning.
Re: Day 15 morning
[It is SO fucked up. Jing Yuan leans against the ticket counter, folding his arms to stop himself from reaching for Dan Feng. It's all so... messy. Unhealthy. He shouldn't let himself get so wound up in it, when it's destined to hurt him -- in the worst case, he could be entirely destroyed by it. And yet just the act of standing a few feet apart when he wants to hold Dan Feng close is making him feel desperately cold.]
I know you said there's no reason to apologise, but that isn't true. You're keeping a distance from me, so... I am sorry for hurting you. I know better than to let my temper get away from me like that.
Re: Day 15 morning
[Was that the right thing to say? Internally, Dan Feng is panicking: maybe Jing Yuan wanted it to hurt? Should he grovel? He was very good at that.
He makes an aborted motion to come closer, but he's waiting for the other shoe to drop.]
Re: Day 15 morning
[He spots that little motion, and in response he tentatively holds a hand out in offering.]
Come here?
Re: Day 15 morning
It's a little pathetic how quickly he goes, eager to get back into Jing Yuan's good graces. He carefully does not think how similar this is to how he'd do anything to pacify his preceptors, or the Vidyadhara.]
Yes? [He stops, just shy of arms' length. Closer like this, it's impossible to miss the mottled bruising up his jaw, or the way he's moving the bare minimum.] What is it?
Re: Day 15 morning
What I said yesterday was true, but... I had not intended it as an insult. Your weakness is not inherent to who you are, and you needn't punish yourself for succumbing to the damage your preceptors did to you.
To tell the truth, as angry as I am that you made Bailu doubt herself, I am much more angry at them for making you so critical of yourself. I don't like hearing you act as if all that happened to you was the consequence of you not holding yourself to a strict enough standard. It is not your fault. Not entirely, at the very least.
Re: Day 15 morning
It is the nature of my being, Jing Yuan. My very face has been molded to the regulations of the Imbibitor Lunae. Holding myself to that standard was my purpose. [He inhales, as if gathering himself.]
You were right. I was... afraid. For Bailu. To walk in my footsteps is something I would not have wanted for Baiheng's legacy.
Re: Day 15 morning
[He adjusts his hand away from those bruises. Dan Feng is only getting gentleness from him right now.]
I have done all I can to shield her from your fate. I only wish someone had done that for you. You could have been Imbibitor Lunae without stripping you of your personhood.
Re: Day 15 morning
You - and the rest of the Quintet... helped. [He fidgets, chasing Jing Yuan's hand, like one of his finches, only very large, and full of homicidal tendencies.] If not for you all, I suspect I would have forgotten my own name, at some point. [Frown?? Seems like he's feeling bold enough to be petulant.] Stop moving your hand.
Re: Day 15 morning
[He does, however, wish to tease him. Instead of touching the bruises he's now just repeatedly poking Dan Feng's face wherever there's a clear space. Pokepokepoke. :3]
I am glad that we helped. I hope to be helpful in the future, too.
Re: Day 15 morning
...I do not like not being in your favor. How do I fix it.
Re: Day 15 morning
[He ceases the poking in favour of leaning in for a forehead kiss. Dan Feng is a lump and Jing Yuan is genuinely worried about losing him, so he's clinging in his own also-fucked-up way.]
Stay close to me, gege.
Re: Day 15 morning
I love you too. [Internal keysmash??????????????????????????] Do I have to apologize to.. . your team.
Re: Day 15 morning
[He's reassured by this attention, and reacts by gently hugging Dan Feng close and pressing his face to the side of his head, careful of the horns.]
But not right now. There's no one here but us.
Re: Day 15 morning
I missed you. It was only a day; it should not have been so awful, it should have been barely the blink of an eye. But I find it harder to suffer your disappointment rather than your glaive.
[This is a really damning weakness to confirm to someone like Jing Yuan, but Dan Feng is tired, and wants to be happy for once.]
Re: Day 15 morning
He weathers that tight grip without complaint, returning it as much as he can without causing harm, and lays a soft kiss on the tip of one long ear.]
I felt horrible as soon as I said it. I thought you wouldn't want to see me, so I gave it some time, but... I missed you too. I could barely sleep, thinking I'd ruined things.
Re: Day 15 morning
You could never ruin things. [Yes he can, but Dan Feng was extremely new to having someone feel sorry for him. Or to having his emotions actually acknowledged. He tips his head down, trying to hide how pleased he is, but the way his newly-un-rottened tail literally wags behind him betrays him.] A-Yuan, I love you, you could never. If you were to lose sleep on my behalf I would rather it be because we- I- uhm. [he shuts up, oops, ok he's Normal.]
Re: Day 15 morning
You have a standing invitation for that, you know.
Re: Day 15 morning
Honestly I would just like to wake up with you in the morning but that is also fine.
[He says all this in one breath and then covers his face with both hands.]
Re: Day 15 morning
I would be more than happy to simply sleep beside you, of course. But... Since you brought it up, I thought it appropriate to remind you my body is available to you. Perhaps next time I'll tell you all the things I like...
[He can't help being a slut if it's going to get such adorable reactions out of Dan Feng. He simply cannot. Look at this dragon.]
Re: Day 15 morning
We are outside! [And the theatre is deserted and dark inside but the point is that. Dan Feng looks around furtively and looks back at Jing Yuan. Looks at his mouth. Looks back up at his eyes. Help.] I, do you want. What do you want? I would like to learn.
Re: Day 15 morning
[Especially in Sloth with the CATS. Still, in the name of being quiet (and murdering his darling) he takes Dan Feng's hands, laces their fingers together, and leans in to whisper in his ear.]
I want to be held down and taken, until all I can feel is how much you love me.
[And then he straightens up and leans back like he didn't just say something incredibly lewd.]
But that's for later, hmm? Right now, you could just take a nap with me.
Re: Day 15 morning
Dan Feng makes a sound like a squeaky toy being stepped on, and he chases Jing Yuan's hands with his own, because if he didn't hold on to something, he felt like he'd float away.
When did this happen? When did his Yuan'er become so shameless? He can't help but imagine it, Jing Yuan trusting and pliant and out of his mind with pleasure under him and-]
Uh? [????????????? ??? ? ? ??? You expect him to say anything coherent?????] Here? I, we could go inside? [He does need sleep, but he also needs to never let go of Jing Yuan.]
Re: Day 15 morning
[He is just oozing catlike smugness now. His tail is waving slowly and his smirk is self-satisfied as can be.]
Come cuddle with me. With a face as cute as the one you're making, I can't help but want to smother you with affection.
Re: Day 15 morning
[This would be a lot more threatening if Dan Feng hadn't laced their hands (imagine that. Holding hands. He didn't even need to die for this. Imagine that!!!) together, trying to shoulder him towards the theatre proper doors, like someone would spot them thinking lewd thoughts such as cuddling.]
I am not cute. I have never been called such a juvenile term. [Ineffectual glaring.] Why are you like this.
Re: Day 15 morning
Re: Day 15 morning
Re: Day 15 morning
Re: Day 15 morning
Re: Day 15 morning
Re: Day 15 morning
Re: Day 15 morning
Re: Day 15 morning
Re: Day 15 morning
Re: Day 15 morning
Re: Day 15 morning